Agent Smith, of the DEVO unit, who originally arrested Graham for violating the EVITA act, was first on the scene.

"Originally we raided his super-secret headquarters located in the Sierra Foothills. However, all we found there was a doped and confused Wendell Wittler". Wittler was the Motley Foop reporter who originally covered Graham's arrest.

"Apparently, Wendell had been forced to have hot-sweaty-foot-porn-animal-buttocks-bicyclepump-sex with fellow reporter Larson Monroe". Monroe was the CNOT reporter who covered Graham's escape from prison.

"When we released the pair, Wendell screamed the words "more… tie me back up… banana". Clearly irrational, we thought it best to get the two to hospital."

There, Wittler recovered sufficiently to inform the DEVO unit that Graham was heading to New York, and that all efforts must be made to get himself and Monroe back to the super-secret headquarters "in case Graham returns".

Agent Smith managed to triangulate Graham's whereabouts by constantly pinging his wireless PDA. "The DEVO unit is very experienced in pinging," Agent Schultz informed press later, "Having tested methods on such sites as Amazon and Yahoo."

Agent Smith tracked down the PDA to a New York apartment, but too late to prevent the crime that revealed itself.

"It was horrible," cried Agent Stolly, "There were three of them… naked… with… things stick out… orifices… cell phone… mouse cord… Compaq server… 1953 Triumph…". At that point, Agent Stolly broke down, and has since been institutionalised.

At the press conference later Agent Stolly reconstructed what DEVO believes to have happened.

"Graham had public threatened revenge on all who defied him," Smith stated, "This was simply a ruse to distract us from his real goal. To be linked by every weblog on the face of God's green earth."

"Graham was using Pyra (WEBDAQ: PYRA) and Userland (WEBDAQ: DAVE) to bring his dastardly plans to fruition. And he would have got away with it too, if it wasn't for Williams and Winer's ravenous sexual appetite. For Graham believed he could simply slut his way to the greatest number of links. This proved impossible, as Williams and Winer had an unnatural obsession with linkage, and Graham simply couldn't fulfil their needs."

"When there sordid, debased sexual circus was over, it became clear to them that life was meaningless if they could not satisfy their link hunger, and that they must take their own lives. They even left a note. It reads, 'Our life is meaningless if we cannot satisfy our link hunger, and we must take our own lives, signed Brad Grahame, Evan Wiliams and Dave Winner'"

Robert Occhialini, chairman of Bump Interactive, has announced there will be a formal ceremony for his "dear, close friends". Occhialini announced "There will be a brief period of mourning in the weblog world, signified by what will be called, 'The Day without Brad, Evan or Dave'. After that, my plans will be complete… er… nevermind that last bit."